The Olympics are here and you deserve a medal if you find yourself an affordable house to own. No really, it’s very hard.
This weekend’s open houses are ranked, so read on to find out which house is the best for storing rectangular objects, according to me.
- 555 E. 10th Avenue, apartment 412, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathroom, 980 square feet
- Sunday, Aug. 14, from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m.
- Capitol Hill neighborhood
If you lived here, every single day you could pretend you were taking the secret entrance into your own home. There is no other plausible purpose for the strange house-apartment hybrid thing happening outside, as far as I’m concerned. Then you’ve got a broad balcony, which in my case, would be perfect for storing the several gallons of food waste currently in my apartment. Also those cabinets are kind of fun, huh?
Verdict: Gold medal.
- 347 Galapago St., 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, 1,001 square feet
- Saturday, Aug. 13, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.
- Baker neighborhood
That’s the type of porch where you drink a summer cocktail and eat the fruits of your garden. Then, immediate points for having space to store a lot of books, board games or rectangular entertainment objects of your particular fancy. The kitchen appears to be a kitchen for doing kitchen things, so that’s good.
Verdict: Silver medal
- 1341 Valentia Street, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 1,386 square feet
- Saturday Aug. 13 from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m.
- East Colfax neighborhood
I’m a sucker for porches. Inside, there appears to be an abundance of light, and anything that makes me feel like less of a cave person is totally aces in my book.
Verdict: Bronze medal
- 889 Eudora St., 3 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, 1,498 square feet
- Saturday, Aug. 12, from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.
- Hale neighborhood
For some reason, I feel like this house belongs on Stranger Things, which is a good television show you should go spend five or six hours on. I also dig the very angular windows. Some of the windows might be a touch small.
Verdict: Went to my metaphorical Olympics, which is more than almost anyone can say.