Remember how strange COVID’s early days felt? Here they are in photos and some words (and some advice from an expert)

Will we remember it in a few decades?

A woman watches a sing-a-long party from inside Springbrooke Senior Living center's memory care unit. Washington Virginia Vale, March 27, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

A woman watches a sing-a-long party from inside Springbrooke Senior Living center's memory care unit. Washington Virginia Vale, March 27, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

KEVIN-lighter

Two years ago last Saturday, a then-editor at Colorado Public Radio, Kate Schimel, addressed our newsroom and told us to buckle up. This novel coronavirus we’d all been hearing about on international news had arrived in the U.S., and it was only a matter of time before it would impact everything. In the weeks that followed, my stomach somersaulted as we rollercoastered through some of the strangest months of our collective lives.

This pandemic is not over, but now we have some distance to think about how odd things were when everyone was just inside. When my editor asked me to pull up a bunch of photos from that time, I decided I wanted to use the opportunity to meditate on how it felt.

CPR News editor Kate Schimel addresses our shared newsroom about the coming coronavirus and what it would mean for our coverage – and a lot more. March 12, 2020.

CPR News editor Kate Schimel addresses our shared newsroom about the coming coronavirus and what it would mean for our coverage – and a lot more. March 12, 2020.

Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite

Our newsroom meeting took place on March 12. Some of us, myself included, wondered how big a deal this actually would become. The whole city couldn’t shut down, right?

That afternoon, I went to the Capitol to take photos of a virtually empty building that was about to indefinitely suspend business. The next day, I visited Carson Elementary School, where kids were preparing to leave for an extended spring break; everyone thought they’d be back in class before too long.

Part of the Colorado State Captiol is empty – though business is still going on here. March 12, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

A sparse Colorado State Captiol (left) and Jennifer Piel, Carson Elementary's Discovery Link supervisor, teaches kids to wash their hands. March 12 and 13, 2020.

Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite

Then, less than a week later, I took a photo of a barren 6th Avenue at rush hour. It was a moment when the gravity of the moment really started to sink in. It wasn’t long before I was photographing empty restaurants, to-go-only lines, mutual aid efforts and deep cleans.

6th Avenue was a ghost road at rush hour after the city grinded to a COVID-19 halt. March 17, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

6th Avenue was a ghost road at rush hour after the city grinded to a COVID-19 halt. March 17, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

To be clear, Denver never completely “emptied.” Plenty of essential workers were still around, people ran errands and I grumbled about photo stories that purported to show cities as ghost towns. Still, this place had become wildly different. But I don’t need to tell you. You lived it, too.

People line up for their monthly allotment of groceries from the Twin Parishes food pantry in Cole. It's the first time in 40 years they've had to do this outside. March 17, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

People line up for their monthly allotment of groceries from the Twin Parishes food pantry in Cole. It's the first time in 40 years they've had to do this outside. March 17, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

A facilities crew wipes down surfaces at Bruce Randolph School during an extended COVID-19 spring break. March 19, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

A facilities crew wipes down surfaces at Bruce Randolph School during an extended COVID-19 spring break. March 19, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

I get a very specific pang in my gut when I think back on it now. It’s part queasy, part panicked. It smacks of existential dread and wrenches with a loss of control. I wonder if I felt that way nonstop, or if this is some memory of my worst moments.

Sunday Vinyl at Union Station is closed. March 21, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Sunday Vinyl at Union Station is closed. March 21, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

That feeling is something I wanted to understand better, so I spoke with Dr. Carl Clark, psychiatrist and Mental Health Center of Denver CEO, to dig into it.

Clinically, Clark told me, what I felt in 2020 was simply stress. But he said it was a variety of unease that we haven’t felt on a societal level in a very long time.

“When we feel stress, our natural instinct is to come together as people and support one another. And so this happened and what were we told? Stay at home. Be alone,” he told me. “It went against our natural instincts.”

It went against our natural instincts. I think this is an obvious point, something I knew all along. Still, the words struck me in a way I didn’t expect.

Bailey Yeager and Mallory Hufford play with Rosie the dog as they wait in a long line for booze at Campus Liquor on South Logan Street, March 23, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Bailey Yeager and Mallory Hufford play with Rosie the dog as they wait in a long line for booze at Campus Liquor on South Logan Street, March 23, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Without our usual pathways to peace, we looked for whatever we could use to cope. Not all of the things we found were healthy choices.

Clark noted 2020’s alcohol sales rose well beyond the norm; that showed up in a big way during the great, short-lived Denver prohibition of March 23 when people thought liquor stores would close and lined up for hours to stock up.

Weird circumstances: check. Weird responses: check. That’ll hit your gut in a new way.

Eric Robert Dallimore, founder and artistic director of Leon Gallery, works in his backyard garden while a shelter-in-place order is in effect for Denver. Congress Park, March 25, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Eric Robert Dallimore, founder and artistic director of Leon Gallery, works in his backyard garden while a shelter-in-place order is in effect for Denver. Congress Park, March 25, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Debbie Fox walks her bike past chalk scrawlings that read: "Always wake up in the morning and say, 'I can do this.'" March 26, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Debbie Fox walks her bike past chalk scrawlings that read: "Always wake up in the morning and say, 'I can do this.'" March 26, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

But we also found plenty of healthy ways to deal. We gardened, we baked. We binged Tiger King. We became runners and knitters.

We were isolated, but we also had lots of ways to communicate – and we discovered that so many of us were turning to similar tactics to feel sane. That, I think, contributed to the oddness of the moment.

I’ll never forget a comic a friend of mine sent me. It depicted a few scraggly people on a life raft, lost at sea, and one of them says something like: “I’m working on my novel!”

Residents of the Springbrooke Senior Living center sing and dance above their courtyard. Washington Virginia Vale, March 27, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Residents of the Springbrooke Senior Living center sing and dance above their courtyard. Washington Virginia Vale, March 27, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

LoDo is empty on a cold, social distancing kind of night. March 27, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

LoDo is empty on a cold, social distancing kind of night. March 27, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Beyond the obvious pressure sources, Clark said each of us affected each other as we sought to make sense of it all. We radiate emotion.

“We’re actually very much more interconnected than we even might be aware of. When you’re well-being is good, you have a ripple effect on the people around you,” he said. “It actually improves the well-being of people around us. Now go the opposite direction.”

Clark said researchers have determined that negative emotion generally creates smaller ripples than positive feelings. Still, the pandemic’s unique global and isolating nature reverberated in a unique way. Our connections, be they online or spaced out during parking lot picnics, changed us further.

The basketball court at Washington Park is closed, March 28, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

The basketball court at Washington Park is closed, March 28, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Sylvia Parodi works behind a shower curtain hung to isolate her from her customers at this 7-Eleven on Sheridan Boulevard. March 30, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Sylvia Parodi works behind a shower curtain hung to isolate her from her customers at this 7-Eleven on Sheridan Boulevard. March 30, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Clark also said new ways of radiating emotion had very specific downsides. It was too easy to become siloed in to self-selected channels, especially in the context of social media. Our fractured communities were more prone to become echo chambers, where conspiracy theories and ill will could fester. It didn’t help that we, as a society, were moving through stages of grief.

“Denial, anger, bargaining,” he said. “We would see that kind of language in how people talked to each other every day.”

Heather Farley whips a hula hoop around her body in Cheesman Park. April 7, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Heather Farley whips a hula hoop around her body in Cheesman Park. April 7, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Here’s the thing: I hope there’s some way to actually preserve that pit-of-the-stomach sensation that I still get when I think about 2020. I want us to remember how “unprecedented” everything felt (try to tally how often you heard that word used).

On one hand, those early months of lockdowns and uncertainty represent a rare moment of bizarre camaraderie that, I think, deserves preservation. On the other, it might help us down the line.

Nick Jurkowski, a United Airlines employee, volunteers to help transform the National Western Center into a shelter for unhoused men. April 8, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Nick Jurkowski, a United Airlines employee, volunteers to help transform the National Western Center into a shelter for unhoused men. April 8, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Colorado National Guardsmen Airman First Class John Boyle (right) and Staff Seargent Bart Blumberg map out the Rodeway Inn on Zuni Street as it's transformed into housing for people living in homelessness. April 15, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Colorado National Guardsmen Airman First Class John Boyle (right) and Staff Seargent Bart Blumberg map out the Rodeway Inn on Zuni Street as it's transformed into housing for people living in homelessness. April 15, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

There are some reflections on the 1918 flu pandemic that call the catastrophe a “forgotten” era, a moment of medical chaos that was largely lost to time until we faced something similar again. I read a few articles that pinned an ensuing global war on the event’s omission from our collective history. Another said there just weren’t enough stories told about individual families struggling during that time.

I hope these kinds of events don’t become more frequent, though there’s some concern they will. But if humans wait another century to experience this again, I want the meantime generations to have some sliver of understanding of what we went through together. It could be a historical oddity. Then again, maybe that recognition will force them to be better prepared than we were. Maybe that future society won’t freak out and buy all of the world’s toilet paper at once?

Easter at the Cathedral Basilica of the Immaculate Conception. April 12, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Easter at the Cathedral Basilica of the Immaculate Conception. April 12, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Protesters listen to instructions on how to protest via caravan before leaving to demand a rent and mortgage pause, among other things. April 25, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

Protesters listen to instructions on how to protest via caravan before leaving to demand a rent and mortgage pause, among other things. April 25, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

And there’s one more thing: Clark said we could be in danger of suppressing the last two years. It could be a harmful reaction that he and other mental health experts are working to deal with one patient at a time. COVID-19 impacted each of us differently, but his advice is the same to anyone still trying to push their feelings about it into the shadows.

“Confront it, and confront it head on, and allow yourself to really, deeply experience what you experienced,” he told me. “Re-understand it, in a way that helps.”

Denver.gov has a whole lot of resources for mental health help, if you need a hand and some place to start.

The Optiv building at 15th and Arapahoe Streets is lit up with a pink heart. April 3, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

The Optiv building at 15th and Arapahoe Streets is lit up with a pink heart. April 3, 2020. (Kevin J. Beaty/Denverite)

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